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Weigel had a revelation: she was always turning to a man to tell her what she was after, and the institution of dating was to blame.

It trained women “in how to be if we wanted to be wanted.”Hence “Labor of Love,” an exploration of that training, in which Weigel reaches two main conclusions.

All of them had received the couch-spooning treatment.

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In one sense, this is a story about the exploitative possibilities of online matchmaking: the opportunities to flagrantly misrepresent oneself, the ease of trawling for specific targets.

(John, who was white, pursued only Asian women, leaving his girlfriends with the icky sense that they’d been fetishized as well as deceived.) Still, romantic scammers aren’t an invention of modern courtship and its digital devices.

Every so often, one of his paramours would catch on and alert the others.

Then he’d block them all on social media and begin the whole thing again.

The process of testing out potential mates, and of being tested by them in turn, can be gruelling, bewildering, humiliating.

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